2nd Sep 2014

weedjoke420:

can’t wait till all my friends get married and have nice weddings with open bars

2nd Sep 2014

haiweewicci:

dion-thesocialist:

Fact: white people, as a group, have never issued a public apology for Aaron Carter. Into the summer of 2000, the optimism over the new millennium was shattered when Aaron Carter dropped his single "Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)," the anchor his second album Aaron’s Party (Come Get It), which, I shit you not, was a triple platinum selling record. That means at least 3 million people, presumably of their own free will, listened to Aaron’s Carter’s music and said to themselves, “Yeah, I’d like to pay money to own this music.”

Aaron Carter is the younger brother of Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. Nick Carter promoted himself as being the face of the Backstreet Boys in a similar way to how Justin Timberlake was the face of N*Sync, or Beyonce was the face of Destiny’s Child, although Nick Carter is to JT and Bey as Paula Deen is to Martin Luther King Jr.

To distinguish himself from his slightly more famous older brother, Aaron decided he would forego the bubblegum pop that was popular at the time and instead blaze of trail of his own by becoming a rapper, or something vaguely resembling a rapper. The glass ceiling for white rappers had been shattered years earlier by Eminem, who rapped about popping pills, killing his ex-wife, being a sociopath, and other popular hobbies for whites in the 90s. Aaron Carter, on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, chose to rap about being a fucking loser, single-handedly kicking off the Fucking Loser Rap genre currently dominated by Cher Lloyd and Childish Gambino. And it all started with this little party.

  1. The song is a story told through rap, putting Aaron Carter in the same artistic lineage as the FreeCreditReport.com band.
  2. The first line of the song is “Here’s a little bit of old school for you,” because when you think of Golden Age hip-hop, you think about Aaron Carter. What parties did the Sugar Hill Gang ever throw? None.
  3. "I always try to be the flyest kid on the block," Aaron Carter says, referencing how he has the most Yugioh cards in his whole subdivision.
  4. Aaron Carter sits on a tricked out bicycle in a fur coat and top hat. He’s decked out in chains, so I guess he’s supposed to be a pimp, which would make the two prepubescent girls behind him prostitutes.
  5. Aaron Carter says he has a bright idea. “The party of the month?” his hoes ask. Aaron Carter quickly shuts them down. “No! The party of the year.” Yes, Daddy.
  6. Aaron’s father is polishing a bowling trophy while his wife dusts a bookcase with several other bowling trophies on it. His dad’s proud bowling career is not referenced again.
  7. Aaron Carter plots how to get his parents out of his house so he can throw his big party. “Should I send them to a movie?” he ponders out loud. “Nah, send them to a show.” the blonde prostitute replies, seemingly not yet having learned the lesson that when you’re around Big Stacks A. Carter, you only speak when spoken to.
  8. Aaron once again demonstrates complete disregard for his ladies by ignoring her suggestion and instead sending his parents to see “Aunt Joan.”
  9. Aaron seems to command a great deal of authority in this house. He just told his parents to leave and they left. Maybe he’s more gangsta than I originally thought.
  10. The party begins and Aaron pumps up the stereo, which for some reason, is a vinyl record player. Aaron Carter was the original hipster. I’ll bet he’s spinning Neon Indian and Boards of Canada right now.
  11. Why are all these twelve year olds allowed out of the house this late at night? Where did he get the refreshments? Are there drugs and alcohol involved? Or is everyone just standing around, drinking Capri Sun, and jumping up and down?
  12. Two green VW Bugs pull up in the cul de sac, both driven by twelve year olds.
  13. Justin Bieber Aaron Carter says that he lost his head and jumps on the table, this after proclaiming that he was “walkin’ round da house like who da man.”
  14. The chain is fake. I don’t have any proof of that from the video, but I know a dude who wears a fake chain when I see one, and Aaron Carter definitely wears a fake chain.
  15. This is easily the ugliest group of people I’ve ever seen in my life.
  16. I think I see Iggy Azealea in the background taking notes.
  17. "Things are going great, then to my surprise some people walked in I didn’t recognize." Aaron’s party is invaded by Rick Ross and a young Jonah Hill.
  18. Pimp Master AC Money don’t play that shit, and immediately stands up to crashers. “Fellas, yo, you gotta get out.” This is the part in the video where Aaron Carter is shot four times and robbed in my imagination.
  19. The thugs said that the flyers said the party was an open house. The plot thickens, however, as Aaron Carter, like all gangstas, didn’t put up flyers advertising his party.
  20. Everyone just kinda moves on with their life though, never solving the Mystery of Who Put Up Flyers for this Party (soon to be a thriller novel from James Patterson (that guy whose books your mom buys at Walmart)).
  21. A kid commits a major party foul and spills juice on Aaron’s mom’s new cushion. I don’t know why his mom was buying individual cushions in the first place.
  22. Another kid breaks a lamp that, apparently, was purchased in France. This family clearly has no value of a dollar. Individually purchased cushions, French lamps, and, most decadent, a gigantic stage and light system in the backyard next to a pool. No wonder the economic surplus of the 90s was so quickly squandered.
  23. Aaron Carter decides not to sweat it, because “there’s a honey over there” and he really wants to meet her. The honey in question looks like she has a meth problem. You can tell. She has dead eyes. How he invited her to his party without having first met her, I’m not sure. I guess she saw the flyers.
  24. I’m mad this chorus is so catchy. He better not break it down.
  25. He breaks it down because this is the year 2000.
  26. "Oh, dag!" Aaron hears a car door close, and since there’s only one car in the entire world, it must mean his parents are home.
  27. Aaron yells that everyone needs to “get out on the double,” even though all logic dictates that his parents would’ve already seen all the lights, heard the music, and noticed the mass of children around the house. Surely they don’t think those two green VW’s just showed up by themselves.
  28. Everyone just keeps dancing. Aaron, who throughout the entirety of this video, has been clutching his authority as if it was the only thing that mattered to him, has to now face his greatest fear: a world in which he is average, normal, with no control over his quickly spiraling life. Could it be that the “it” in the parenthetical “come get it” refers to to death of self-centricity we all must encounter at some point face in our lives?
  29. Aaron seems afraid his dad will literally murder him.
  30. Once his parents catch him, as you can guess, Aaron receives a steep punishment: he’s grounded. Wow, you sure taught him, bowling dad.

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I laughed so much reading this cause when I was in middle school they played this song all the time and I hated it, Thank you Mr. Dion!!

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